My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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