the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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