I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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