Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
