I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
