I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
