It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
