Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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