Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
