If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
