So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
