I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
