I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
