thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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