I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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