More tranny stories later!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
