OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
