I'm jealous of your bromance
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it's like iHOP with fire
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
