His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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