I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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