No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize