I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize