fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
