As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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