can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
