Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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