I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
