guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
