I hate all girls vehemently.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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