I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
