ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
