Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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