you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
