i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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