I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
