did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
