I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
