Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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