I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
