She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
