i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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