thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
