3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
