you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
