If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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