I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
