just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
