let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We just shotgunned beers for America
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
