WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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