no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
