Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize