Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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