1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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