If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
