Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
