I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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