but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
