why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
