If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
