their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
