Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
