I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize