Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
