I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
do herpes really smell.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
