Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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