I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
