Only a mothe r could love this liver
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
