So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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