yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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