I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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