that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
