i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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