did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
